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III Lent Thursday – Proverbs 10: 1-22
1 A wise son makes his father glad: but a foolish son is a grief to his mother. 2 Treasures shall not profit the lawless: but righteousness shall deliver from death. 3 The Lord will not famish a righteous soul: but he will overthrow the life of the ungodly. 4 Poverty brings a man low: but the hands of the vigorous make rich. A son who is instructed shall be wise, and shall use the fool for a servant. 5 A wise son is saved from heat: but a lawless son is blighted of the winds in harvest. 6 The blessing of the Lord is upon the head of the just: but untimely grief shall cover the mouth of the ungodly. 7 The memory of the just is praised; but the name of the ungodly man is extinguished. 8 A wise man in heart will receive commandments; but he that is unguarded in his lips shall be overthrown in his perverseness. 9 He that walks simply, walks confidently; but he that perverts his ways shall be known. 10 He that winks with his eyes deceitfully, procures griefs for men; but he that reproves boldly is a peacemaker. 11 There is a fountain of life in the hand of a righteous man; but destruction shall cover the mouth of the ungodly. 12 Hatred stirs up strife; but affection covers all that do not love strife. 13 He that brings forth wisdom from his lips smites the fool with a rod. 14 The wise will hide discretion; but the mouth of the hasty draws near to ruin. 15 The wealth of rich men is a strong city; but poverty is the ruin of the ungodly. 16 The works of the righteous produce life; but the fruits of the ungodly produce sins. 17 Instruction keeps the right ways of life; but instruction unchastened goes astray. 18 Righteous lips cover enmity; but they that utter railings are most foolish. 19 By a multitude of words thou shalt not escape sin; but if thou refrain thy lips thou wilt be prudent. 20 The tongue of the just is tried silver; but the heart of the ungodly shall fail. 21 The lips of the righteous know sublime truths: but the foolish die in want. 22 The blessing of the Lord is upon the head of the righteous; it enriches him, and grief of heart shall not be added to it.
In this passage, the sacred author touches on various subjects, including parental discipline, the right use of wealth, leaving behind a good name after one’s decease by having led a righteous life, simplicity of life, charity versus hatred, and discretion in speech. An embarrassment of riches! Since we do not have all the day to speak and to listen – alas! – let us choose two topics: the upbringing of children and cultivating discretion in our speech.
St. John Chrysostom contrasts the distinct roles of father and mother in the upbringing of children:
“A wise son makes his father glad: but a foolish son is a grief to his mother.” What do you mean? That the former is responsible for upbringing and is unmoved, whereas the latter is in the habit only of grieving. Often a man reaps the compliments, whereas the troubles fall on her – hence his saying, “brings grief to his mother,” since it is they in particular who rear the children with greater latitude. Hence he imposed a penalty on them to encourage them to develop the fear that is due to the father. Mother, even if you love the child, do not turn the affection for the child into a vice.
Here the saint assumes the classical paradigm for the differing roles of father and mother in the rearing of children: The father represents justice and inspires fear, while the mother represents mercy and inspires affection. And this, in fact, is what God intends by His creating the man and woman with distinct and complementary characters. What we see often, however, is that the man is either not involved and leaves all the discipline to the mother, or that his behavior is distorted by his having become effeminate, either due to a defect of character or – as is often the case in our present age of feminism – because of cultural influence, and though he attempts to rule his children, it is by affection only without inspiring reverential fear. Thus the burden falls upon the mother to be the enforcer, the bad guy so to speak, and this unnatural role unnaturally hardens her feminine softness, making her despondent and overburdening her by forcing her to be both father and mother to the children.
Or, conversely, we also see cases in which the father does strive to exert paternal authority, and the mother sabotages his rule over the family by contradicting him before the children or by abrogating his decisions behind his back, due to an excess of affection not tempered by prudence and by wifely obedience to her husband.
Dear fathers, rule your wife and children with calm authority tempered by affection and informed by prayer, good reading, and good counsel! Do not lay the entire burden of discipline on your wives, thus darkening their days with anxiety and grief. Dear mothers, do not make an idol of your children: if you have a strong husband, rejoice in his strength, respecting his authority and letting him use the rod when needed – either literally or figuratively – so as not to spoil the children. Dear married couples, always pray together and take counsel with one another, so that under the guidance of the All-Holy Spirit, Who gives grace in abundance to those who ask, you will confidently guide the little ark of your family over the sea of life to the calm haven of salvation.
Let us now turn to a topic of interest to all Christians whether married or unmarried, in the world or in the monastic life: Silence and discretion in speech! “By a multitude of words, thou shalt not escape sin; but if thou refrain thy lips thou shalt be prudent.” In chapter six of his Rule, St. Benedict says the following:
Let us act in accordance with that saying of the Prophet; “I have said: I will keep my ways, that I offend not with my tongue. I have been watchful over my mouth: I held my peace and humbled myself, and was silent from speaking even good things.” If, therefore, according to this saying of the Prophet we are at times to abstain, even from good talk, how much more ought we to refrain from evil words, on account of the guilt and penalty of sin! Therefore, because of the importance of silence, let leave to speak be seldom given, even to perfect disciples, although their words be of good and holy matters, tending unto edification; because it is written: “In much speaking, thou shalt not escape sin.” And in another place: “Death and life are in the hands of the tongue.”
As is usual with the Holy Fathers, St. Benedict has set the bar high: Even perfect disciples should be given permission to speak rarely, even upon edifying topics! (One trembles to think how much fear this should inspire in an imperfect disciple dashing off a daily blog post!). We all know how imperfect we are, and how many needless words we speak and hear all day long. Where do we even start to deal with this?
Try this: Absolutely refuse, for one full day, to speak about the latest sensation being peddled by our world-rulers’ propaganda machine as the only permissible topic du jour. As we write in the spring of 2022, the thing they want everyone to talk about and think about at all times is this war they have engineered in the Ukraine. Last year and the year before that it was some disease they had manufactured. Next year, who knows? Alien invasion? The discovery that not only are men really women and women really men, but also that human beings are really turnips? Anything is possible, or, rather, if there is no God, all things are permitted.
So, turn off all the media input and go through your day in prayer. Thank God for the little tasks and the limited duties imposed by your actual station in life. Look around you and rejoice in the beauty of God’s creation. Do something extra to make someone you love happy, without being asked and without speaking a word about it. Do not say a word about anything, unless demanded by the duty of the moment. If anyone tries to draw you into needless conversation, especially about The Hot Topic of the Day, ask to be excused, pleading even illness if needed, for you are sick, sick of talking. And be at peace.
St. Isaac the Syrian famously said that stillness is the mystery of the age to come. We little ones have the power from God to bring the joy of the age to come into this life, simply by being quiet and repeating His holy name on our lips, in our minds, and in our hearts. What an infinite gift! Let us choose this gift today over the glittering false good of vain speech.
O Christ, Wisdom and Word and Power of God, grant us the grace to be still and to know that Thou art God. Amen.
